I wish…

I wish they could’ve seen what I see.

A wretch, yes. One deserving of severe punishment, of course. But an irredeemable monster? Never. Had they only looked at you through the eyes of grace, they’d have seen a lost and broken young man for whom Jesus died. They’d have seen a lost sheep that the Good Shepherd would go to any lengths to bring back into the flock. They’d have seen a potential future child of God, adopted into the family at the greatest price possible. Such value. Such worth. Such potential. Why cut that short when justice could’ve been handed out through alternative means?

I wish they could’ve placed their hands over his heart and felt what You feel.

If they’d have only placed their hands over his heart, they’d have felt a heartbeat they should not want stopped. A heartbeat that would not even exist anymore were it not for the grace and mercy of a Father on a terrifying April night filled with bullets that should’ve ended it. A heartbeat that plays the beautiful music of a Father’s plan to rescue from the dead and eternal destruction. A heartbeat that continues undeservingly day after day so that heart can one day beat forever in the joy of God’s presence. A heartbeat that hopefully now won’t end until it’s filled with love for You.

I wish I could see what You see.

I see a battle for redemption cut short. I see nightmares of him proclaiming faith in Allah with his last words before they stick the needle in and stop that precious heartbeat. I see those words “sentenced to death,” and I don’t see Your hand in it. But if You really love him as I think You do, my vision must need correcting. I should see a perfect plan of a Father looking out over the horizon for His lost son. I should see that this is somehow exactly what he needs to come home. I believe; help my unbelief.

I thank You that I feel what You feel.

Even though the sentence felt like someone jabbing a knife into my heart and I feel a heavier weight than ever on my shoulders that probably won’t ever leave unless I know he’s Yours, I’m still grateful that You called me to this. Loving like You love is worth it. He is worth it.

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